An Enormity On the Hill

An enormity on the hill, the lonely red figure sat plump, full of noise and stench. Life. Forty-six pigs and ten cows, housed under a metal sheet roof. Once vibrant silver now pockmarked by the wounds of rust. Nature never slows its assault. A diseased crown for a faded body. The wood was once a gorgeous red, slowly, painstakingly painted by my hand. A red that disappears in each evening's sunsets as I watch from my porch. Now the earthy brown of wood has begun to peek through. My red, now more a stain than a coat for the figure. But it is as sturdy as the day I built it.

The doors stay open most of the day, letting a fresh breeze come through. A toothless mouth waiting for me to feed it more livestock. Haven’t in years, though. Those fifty-six animals are my livelihood now. When we built it, it was majestic. A structure that surely made our cabin envious. Two hay lofts on either side of the main hall, with fenced-in quarters below. The barn held a draft, yet always felt warm, no matter the season; fifty-six bodies will do that. Pigs on the right, cows on the left. Everything had its place. Tools on the far wall, shovels, hoes, axes, and pitchforks- an array of what it takes to run this place. Everything I have ever owned has a place here; you can’t run a farm if you aren’t organized.

When I wake, I walk to the kitchen. I pass the empty rooms. It’s quiet. The heat's on, but it feels cold. I make my coffee on the stove. Rich black in a tin mug. I sit on the porch and watch the sunrise. I wait for it to get to the perfect spot. You see, between orange and yellow there is a gold, and that warmth is the closest thing to the glow of love.

I pull open the heavy doors, bathing the dirt floors and red walls in golden light. I am greeted by the warmth fifty-six bodies create, the stench, the noise. I close my eyes and take it in. The beauty of a barn is that you can feel your work in its life. The lives of my fifty-six. There is not a thing I own in this world that does not have a place here. But there are some things you just can’t own.